Mixed Signals: What They’re Really Saying (Even If They Won’t Say It)
Aug 16, 2025“I’m not looking for anything serious… but I do want to keep seeing you.”
“You’re doing great work… let’s revisit your promotion next quarter.”
“I miss you… we should catch up sometime.” (Sometime = never)
We’ve all been there.
The texts that say one thing while the behavior says another. The vague manager feedback. The emotionally ambiguous friend who always keeps it just warm enough to confuse you.
These aren’t “bad communicators”—they’re experts in emotional hedging.
And the cost of all these mixed signals?
⏳ Wasted time
🧠 Mental spirals
💔 Erosion of self-trust
Let’s break it down: what mixed signals actually are, why people send them (spoiler: it’s not always malicious), and how to respond when the message is unclear—but the impact is all too real.
What Is Mixed Signal?
A mixed signal is when someone’s words and actions don’t align. It’s the friend who says they care but never shows up. It’s the romantic interest who says they’re “into you” but disappears for days. It’s the boss who praises your performance but won’t commit to next steps.
These signals aren’t confusing because you’re insecure.
They’re confusing because the message is inconsistent—and your nervous system doesn’t know which one to believe.
Why People Send Mixed Signals
Not all mixed signals are manipulative. Often, they’re self-protective. People send them when they:
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Don’t want to hurt your feelings
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Are unsure themselves and want to keep options open
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Crave connection without the responsibility
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Fear confrontation or disappointing others
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Are managing their image over your clarity
Sometimes we even send them—agreeing to plans we don’t want to keep, being polite instead of honest, or staying vague because clarity would mean commitment.
Why It Hurts So Much
The real damage of mixed signals is internal.
Your brain fills in the gaps with anxiety:
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“Did I do something wrong?”
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“Maybe if I just wait a little longer…”
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“If I were clearer, maybe they would be too.”
You start to over-function. To chase clarity. To prove yourself.
Here’s the truth: mixed signals are a breeding ground for self-abandonment.
How to Say What Needs to Be Said (Without Spiraling)
Whether you’re receiving or accidentally sending mixed signals, here’s how to bring clarity into the fog.
💬 When You’re Receiving Mixed Signals:
1. Pause the Spiral
Ask: “What am I being told? What am I actually seeing?”
2. Trust Behavior Over Vibes
If their actions aren’t consistent with their words, believe the actions.
3. Clarify With Curiosity
“Hey, I’ve been picking up on mixed signals. Can we check in on where this is heading?”
4. Decide Based on Reality, Not Potential
Stop waiting on someone to “come around” if they keep circling confusion.
📣 When You’re the One Sending Them:
1. Check Your Intent
Is this kindness or conflict avoidance?
2. Choose Directness With Care
Clarity doesn’t require harshness—just honesty.
3. Try This:
“I’ve realized I’ve been unclear, and I want to fix that. Here’s where I’m really at…”
Say It Without Spiraling (Free Download)
If you need help actually finding the words, I’ve got you.
👇 Grab this free resource:
📄 Say It Without Spiraling: Scripts & Prompts for Clearer Communication
It includes:
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Scripts for dating, friendships, and work
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Reflection prompts for boundary-setting
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Power reframes to get out of your own way
If You Only Take One Thing…
Mixed signals are not a puzzle to solve.
They’re a sign to check in—with them, and with yourself.
You deserve relationships (romantic, professional, and platonic) where communication is clear, not coded.
Listen to the Full Episode
🎙️ Mixed Signals: What They’re Really Saying (Even If They Won’t Say It)
[Listen here → LINK]
In the episode, I go deeper into:
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Pop culture examples of romantic hedging
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Workplace mixed signals that kill morale
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What spiraling taught me about my own clarity fears
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